So, a lot of you have been asking about what happened with Ben freshman year. Just to let you guys know, everything is just fine now so no need to worry. However, this story is important to understand where we are right now. I admit that I still get a little bit emotional talking about it though so it might take me a post or two to tell you everything...
Here is what led up to the whole situation:
Going into college I knew to expect changes. I had a small fear of the possibility that the stress of all the change was going to get to us and our relationship. I simply had no clue that it was going to go as far as it did. The second I got there I realized how much more work there was involved in comparison to Forks High. Thus, my reaction was to throw myself wholeheartedly and obsessively into my school work to survive it all with the grades that I'm used to. Ben on the other hand fell in love with the freedom of it all. (I was taking 5 classes while he was only taking 4) He had a bit too much time on his hands to explore it all. It didn't help that he started hanging out with a few upper classmen from one of our study groups that were all about the major parties and what not. Those guys were also close friends with a couple fraternities on campus, and you know how that goes from there...
In any case, I have always been a level headed person so I still wanted to have some fun too. I absolutely loved going to school functions with him and still do. (Can't wait for Quadfest!!!) I even joined him to one or two parties, the rest of the time I just let him go have fun with the guys. And it was great! Even though the parties we went to were a little crazy (mind you I only went with him to the low key ones, I will write about the big one that started everything later) I would be the center of his attention the entire night. To be honest, I have no idea about how to describe that amazing, warm, secure, adoring feeling I get just by being with him. We would dance with each other all night, he would hold me, and he would just have his arms around me the whole time in the tightest, most caring embrace. *daydreams* The feeling of having that strong of a bond and emotional intimacy, in the middle of such a complete mess, was such a comfort in that (please excuse the cliche, there is just no other way to explain it) we really were the only two people in the room. I was the one and only person that mattered to him.
Anyway, so I actually decided to go with him and his friends to a spring break party. (He managed to convince me by being his sweet, perfect, adorable self... I hate him. *pouts for being such a girl*) Big mistake. Never had I seen him that drunk before, I mean he was still stable but just seeing him like that really disgusted me. This is the one big 'real' party that I went with him to and the entire environment just irritated me so much. I've never been one of those crazy drinkers and I hate that lifestyle. He knew this, and yet there he was having one drink after another as if it were a sport or something. Here is where we had our first fight.
I just pushed him out of there at around 11:30pm. He fought with me the entire time, "But it's so early, what about tomorrow's part?" this, that the other... I've never been the one to raise my voice but in this situation I simply wasn't going to keep my mouth shut. I yelled at him at the top of my lungs, "NO! That's It, I'm Leaving! I just Can't be here, what if something Bad happens? And look at you! NO, let's GO!" Thankfully he was dazed enough that I was able to get him into the car and take him to his dorm. He literally passed out asleep the second he hit the bed. I just put some water by the bed, left him there and went to my room. His room mate was a really responsible and smart medical engineering major or something like that, so I knew he would be okay. I just couldn't be there, I needed to digest everything that had just happened.
For the whole week after that I just didn't speak to him. I just couldn't get over how he talked to me that night. He was blowing up my phone and banging on my door everyday trying to apologize, but I told him I just didn't want to deal with him just yet. I was in the middle of a huge exam week and I was still so emotional about it. I wanted to have a clear and level head when I actually talked to him. Needless to say, my grades did suffer a little bit because of those exams and the stress of the whole situation but it was worse for him. His grades fell simply because he was skipping so many classes and going out all the time. That was another major issue. He is so brilliant and I care about him so much that I just want him to be able to achieve everything he wants in life. I finally talked to him the week after that and accepted his apology on very reserved terms. Things did get better because he still loved me as much as I loved him, and that's something that will never change. It was what happened once exams were over that broke us up. That night... (shakes head trying not to think about it) Is for another time.
Whoa guys! Sorry for the essay, I didn't realize how much there was to say about that. Well, at least you have all of freshman year in a nutshell. Hope I didn't bore you too much with all that. Feel free to ask me any questions or comment away on twitter. I get back to absolutely everyone that @ replies me. Love you all ^_^
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