And he wonders why I don't feel like enough -.-"

I remember this ~clearly~ I know it was a couple of years ago but it's hard to forget walking in on your love with someone else. It was while we were taking a break Freshman year... I took this at a party I had gone to with @SuperWoman357 and the girls to try to forget about things and there he was. Maybe I should have never taken this picture. The image I have of him and her, and now him and Nessie in my mind are more than enough. He is such a sweet person that gets along with and loves everyone. I know he's able to move on so easily and it scares the life out of me *sighs*


And am I the only one that is noticing that he keeps working out and looking better every single day? I'm not sure I like this too much... *a look of jealousy lingers on my face*


I know him better than any book I may have ever picked up and digested cover to cover. He is the best person that I have ever known and the most handsome man I have ever seen. We do everything together and we love all the same things. We play video games all the time (and he actually lets me win at Mario because he knows it's my favorite xD ) He takes me to real shows, museums, we go dancing, to poetry readings at coffee shops; we're complete and total dorks but dorks together. We read together, study, write, create art, and work on the house together. I love how he's patient and teaches me about all the finances he does for my business and how to work on my computer *giggles* even some car stuff too! (I tend to mess up my car too much because I get way too busy and forget about all the maintenance mumbo jumbo :/ ) Even in my wildest dreams I could never have pictured a more perfect soul mate and husband.


*sighs* And here I am, getting fat. It's barely been a month or two and I'm already showing :( I'm going to get worse and he's only going to look better. I feel horrible and must look just the same. *pouts* Maybe we should have adopted...


I've always wanted to have a family of my own but... I'm scared. I know I haven't talked to him about this but I'm terrified. Not just because of the immense responsibility that comes with this but I'm afraid about my health probably more than he is. I'm a small person, I may be tall but I'm thin. Every time I go to the doctor I get lectured about eating more then given even more vitamins and things to take. I'm at risk for a premature or low birth weight baby, I'm trying my best but the stress isn't helping any. I've never been able to eat right even when I'm just a little bit upset. I know I need to step up and stop linking my emotions to things that can affect my health but it's hard. I need my best friend to help me through this, I can't do it on my own. I need ~him~ maybe this need is what is pushing him away *sighs* How can I change wanting the love of my life to be the one to help me through this? He's the only one that knows me like I know him, he understands me and I trust him wholeheartedly. I want him.

*singing* I want you so bad it's my only wish...

I've been in a daydreamy state just singing this to myself for the last few days especially that one line. Hopefully writing the song down will get it out of my head but I doubt it -.-"

*absentmindedly continues dreaming of Ben and singing: I want you so bad, it's my only wish...*



I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl, what's up, it use to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes I'm really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up

Meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl, I travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galaxies
Just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, I, I, I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
I wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
I love you always... way

Can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
Right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, I'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and I, for you and I, for for you and I,
For for you and I, for for you and I, for you and I

Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Meet me half way, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

The Things I Miss...

I don't really have the words in my to write like I usually do, I just have all these images in my head of what we were and the things I miss. I keep wondering about why we don't do them as often as we did. Maybe we've grown too busy or the waters are shifting and the moon is too close, I don't know. If I continue writing I'll fall back again and I'd rather not think about things too much anymore. I've left this blog saved all day without posting at a loss of words or ways to complete it. Pictures speak more than a thousand words, it's why I like them so much. I've grown out of my shell a bit but continue to be a quiet person, I keep to myself but I let my pictures speak for me. Hopefully these will get across some of the memories I have in my head and continue wishing for. Most of all I miss my one and only soul mate, my companion, my best friend, my love...