And he wonders why I don't feel like enough -.-"

I remember this ~clearly~ I know it was a couple of years ago but it's hard to forget walking in on your love with someone else. It was while we were taking a break Freshman year... I took this at a party I had gone to with @SuperWoman357 and the girls to try to forget about things and there he was. Maybe I should have never taken this picture. The image I have of him and her, and now him and Nessie in my mind are more than enough. He is such a sweet person that gets along with and loves everyone. I know he's able to move on so easily and it scares the life out of me *sighs*


And am I the only one that is noticing that he keeps working out and looking better every single day? I'm not sure I like this too much... *a look of jealousy lingers on my face*


I know him better than any book I may have ever picked up and digested cover to cover. He is the best person that I have ever known and the most handsome man I have ever seen. We do everything together and we love all the same things. We play video games all the time (and he actually lets me win at Mario because he knows it's my favorite xD ) He takes me to real shows, museums, we go dancing, to poetry readings at coffee shops; we're complete and total dorks but dorks together. We read together, study, write, create art, and work on the house together. I love how he's patient and teaches me about all the finances he does for my business and how to work on my computer *giggles* even some car stuff too! (I tend to mess up my car too much because I get way too busy and forget about all the maintenance mumbo jumbo :/ ) Even in my wildest dreams I could never have pictured a more perfect soul mate and husband.


*sighs* And here I am, getting fat. It's barely been a month or two and I'm already showing :( I'm going to get worse and he's only going to look better. I feel horrible and must look just the same. *pouts* Maybe we should have adopted...


I've always wanted to have a family of my own but... I'm scared. I know I haven't talked to him about this but I'm terrified. Not just because of the immense responsibility that comes with this but I'm afraid about my health probably more than he is. I'm a small person, I may be tall but I'm thin. Every time I go to the doctor I get lectured about eating more then given even more vitamins and things to take. I'm at risk for a premature or low birth weight baby, I'm trying my best but the stress isn't helping any. I've never been able to eat right even when I'm just a little bit upset. I know I need to step up and stop linking my emotions to things that can affect my health but it's hard. I need my best friend to help me through this, I can't do it on my own. I need ~him~ maybe this need is what is pushing him away *sighs* How can I change wanting the love of my life to be the one to help me through this? He's the only one that knows me like I know him, he understands me and I trust him wholeheartedly. I want him.